2013年6月29日土曜日

Journal D


              I began a part-time job in May. It is working in the pizza store. The salary was got recently. Although not used yet, I would like for the money to buy clothes or to treat parents to boiled rice. Since it acted as part-time job for the first time and the salary was got, I was very glad. May was the friend’s birthday. My friend’s name is Manami. I held her birthday party together with my friends. I went to buy a cake at the time of a lesson vacant together with my friend’s Mayu. After the lesson finished, it gathered in the friend’s house and ate a cake. Since Manami had a schedule, only a cake was eaten and it was an intention of the dismissal, but since the schedule finished immediately, it went by after that to eat boiled rice. We went to a fast food restaurant called Joyful. I ate a hamburger. It was delicious. It dispersed, after eating boiled rice. A day very enjoyable for me. A friend’s birthday will come soon. The friend’s name is Mari. She lives in Fukuoka now, so I will go to her house on a birthday. I think that I will eat a cake together. I am going to go by surprise to a house. Probably, she will be glad.


239/11195

1 件のコメント:

  1. I love fried rice and I love omelettes! Be careful not to us "it" so much. Often you should write "I" or the subject instead of "it" so that your reader understands more easily.

    Journal C = 220+ words -20 words (hard to understand) = 5 APs!

    Your first five sentences weren't about celebrations. Also, I couldn't understand these sentences. Try not to use computer translation too much.: "I went to buy a cake at the time of a lesson vacant together with my friend’s Mayu. After the lesson finished, it gathered in the friend’s house and ate a cake. Since Manami had a schedule, only a cake was eaten and it was an intention of the dismissal, but since the schedule finished immediately, it went by after that to eat boiled rice."???

    Journal D = 220 words - 120 words off topic or not understandable
    = 100 words on topic = 2.5 APs

    Mr. W.

    返信削除